Helping children (and adults) understand death

I was asked by someone this week to recommend books to help cope with the death of her mother. Since she has children as well, I asked other librarians and looked through my information and came up with a list of books for both adults and children. (Most of us know that books for children are often very helpful for adults.) One of my favorite books is The Tenth Good Thing About Barney,about a little boy whose cat dies. He thinks of nine things to say about Barney for the burial and funeral, and the next day thinks of a tenth. The classic book about death for children.

BOOKS FOR ADULTS

The Goldfish Went on Vacation: A Memoir of Loss (and Learning to Tell the Truth about It), by Dann (this just got a wonderful review in the New York Times)
On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of LossElisabeth Kubler-Ross
How to Survive the Loss of a Love -McWilliams--short consoling poems and sayings
The Year of Magical Thinking -Didion --story of the death of her husband and her daughter’s illness)
When Bad Things Happen to Good Peoplepeople by Kushner
For One More Day, and Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom
Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul: 101 Stories (Chicken Soup for the Soul)
Yesterday I Cried: Celebrating The Lessons Of Living And LovingIyanlaa Vanzant.
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman.
A Grief Observedby C.S. Lewis

BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Tear Soup, by Pat Schwiebert
The Next Place, by Warren Hanson
The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, by Leo Buscaglia
Michael Rosen's Sad Book, by Michael Rosen

DEATH OF PARENT
Mama, by Schick
Flamingo Dream, by Napoli- death of father from cancer
If You Listen, by Zolotow -about a father who is far away
Everett Anderson's Goodbye, by Clifton -father
The Memory String, by Eve Bunting -mother

DEATH OF PETS
Cat Heaven, Dog heaven, by Cynthia Rylant
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
DEATH OF GRANDPARENTS
Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs
Hugs on the Wind, by Arnold-actually about a grandparent who moved away, but still works
The Hickory Chair, Faustino (grandmother)
Grandad's Prayers of the Earth, by Wood
Thank You, Grandpa, by Plourde
The Two of Them, by Aliki (grandfather)
The Wall (Reading Rainbow Book), Eve Bunting-boy’s grandfather died in Vietnam, he and his father visit the memorial in Washington DC

DEATH OF A SIBLING
We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel InsteadSchweibert

William Steig is an amazing author and illustrator

One of the very best books for kids is Sylvester and the Magic Pebble.I was introduced to this book when I picked up my 3 year old daughter from day care. She was hysterically excited and demanded to go to the library and get the book her teacher had read to them that day. Of course she didn't know the title but I figured it out before she reached total meltdown. We got the book and read it over and over, and I have been reading it to children ever since. It wasn't the kind of book I would have chosen for her. Often she brought books to me in a library or bookstore and I said "Too many words. We'll get it when you're older". Steig's books are often "too many words" books--many of them contain a lot of text for a picture book, and there are words sprinkled here and there that will send a parent to the dictionary. Even so, Sylvester and his predicament struck a chord with my 3 year old as well as her classmates. The teacher told me the book was reread several times at school, by popular demand, and the kids even developed and acted out a play based on the story. All Steig's books are amazing; he is one of the very few authors who have won both the Caldecott and Newbery medals. Some of the best are Amos & Boris, Doctor De Soto, and The Amazing Bone .

In memory of Jeannette Caines

---one of my favorite African-American authors. She wrote a number of picture books; this one was a Reading Rainbow book! One of the reasons I am her fan is my serendipitous meeting with her some years ago, in Charlottesville, Virginia. I was attending the Dogwood Festival parade there, and was sitting on the steps of the downtown library, waiting for the parade to start. Of course I was reading, what else would I be doing if I'm sitting down? Ms. Caines sat down beside me and introduced herself and said, "I would like to meet you, since you are the only one reading, of all these thousands of people." We went on to talk for several hours, throughout the parade, and exchanged contact information. Sadly, I did not get together with her again, and she died in 2004 due to complications from cancer treatment. Let's don't forget this wonderful woman. Be sure to read Just Us Women and all her other books.
Click here for more information about her life and career.

Read to your baby!

OK, here is one of my "don't get me started" issues. If you have children, you need to start reading to them at birth (or earlier--many parents do, and studies have shown that newborn babies recognize books that were read aloud by their mother before they were born!)The way children learn language is by hearing it, and the more they hear, the better they will be at talking, thinking, and learning. My standard gift to new babies is a book, and I cringe when the parent says "I can't wait til he is old enough for me to read to him". I have to think of a way to say nicely, "Guess what, he is already". For the youngest kids, the name of the game is repetition, so choose the books carefully to find ones you won't mind reading and hearing many, many times. This new book will give you tips and suggestions:BABY READ-ALOUD BASICS: Fun And Interactive Ways to Help Your Little One Discover the World of Words.

Is it bigger than a breadbox? is it animal, mineral or vegetable...

Did everybody get one of these for Christmas? I first encountered it when shopping at Thanksgiving. If you ever played TWENTY QUESTIONSthis is an automated version!
When my kids were little we got in the habit of having cookouts in the summer, and eating on the back porch and somehow that became associated with playing "20 questions". Someone thinks of something, anything, and the object is for the other players to guess it in 20 questions or less. One traditional question is, "Is it bigger than a breadbox?" (eventually one of my children asked just how big IS a breadbox) This gadget asks a series of sometimes odd questions, and often comes up with the answer. It's a lot more rewarding if you've already played the game the old-fashioned way, but it's surprising how often it comes up with the right answer. One of ours it guessed was "lemur"!

JIM and the Beanstalk!

Your child knows about Jack and the Beanstalk, but what aboutJim and the Beanstalk? In this hilarious story, Jim discovers a beanstalk outside his window and climbs it, to find a very old giant who has no teeth or hair, and can't see very well. Unlike Jack, who stole the giant's most valuable possessions, Jim tries to help the giant. Ask children to compare and contrast the two stories.

"Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes..."

Have you seen Snowflake Bentley ? This book won the Caldecott Medal in 1999. It's an amazing picture book and an introduction for children to the concept of biography as well. It's the true story of Wilson Bentley, who was born on a Vermont farm in 1865 and became fascinated with snowflakes. After he found a camera that incorporated a microscope, he made it his life's work to photograph snowflakes. Kids are astounded to think of the hours, the days, the lifetime spent in freezing cold taking those photographs. Try to find Bentley's book Snow Crystals which has over 2,000 of his actual photos of snowflakes. You won't believe how much time kids will spend looking at these photos and marveling at how many different patterns there are within the basic 6-sided snowflake shape. Can you believe Snow Crystals first came out in 1931 and is still in print?!

Don't let the pigeon drive the bus!

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!The pigeon wants to drive the bus, and whines and pleads until the end of the book. Children seem to recognize themselves in his creative pestering. They love telling the pigeon "no" every time he asks to drive the bus, and they love the "Driven to Read" shirt available from Wonder Shirts which also has shirts for many other children's books. When I was a school librarian, I read this book to all the elementary grades. With the older kids, I used it to introduce a discussion of persuasive writing. I have heard of teachers making a reader's theater play from the book. And, if you want coloring sheets for the pigeon, or instructions on how to draw him just like Mo Willems does,just look at the Hyperion Books site.
Have you seen Knuffle Bunny? This book, also by Mo Willems, was a Caldecott Honor book. Kids think it's hilarious, and if they know "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" they will go nuts when they see the man wearing the pigeon shirt in Knuffle Bunny ! And for more essential information about the pigeon, read Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late! and The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog!